When Kate sent me this post I read it and could relate to every single word. I was so excited to be able to share it with you because I know many of you other mommas have/do feel the same exact way.
So take it away my lovely lady!
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She was crying. Well, more like screaming. You know, that one cry that says, "I'm-so-exhausted-my-teeth-hurt-I-really-just-need-to-fall-asleep-but-am-fighting-it-for-no-apparent-reason". I handed her to Daniel, feeling helpless. Dressed in my scrubs and cup of coffee in my hand, it was 6:00 pm. That meant I was leaving for a night of work. I walked out the door to the sounds of fussy, cranky baby. All I wanted to do was rock and comfort her, but I couldn't. I HAD to leave for work. I felt that pit in my stomach. You know, that horrible knot. To sum it up in 2 words:
MOMMA GUILT
Before I go on, I'll let you know a little more about me. My name is Kate. I'm a twenty-something that considers myself one lucky gal. I'm married to a chef-in-training, named Daniel. We have a 9 month old daughter, Claire, who is the light of our lives.
I work full-time as a Registered Nurse with new mommas and babies. I work the night shift, which means Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, I give Claire kisses and leave her with her Daddy for the night.
But on with the story...
Any working mom can vividly recall the first time she had to leave her baby to go back to work after maternity leave. It's not a pretty sight. You call home about a million times to check in. You think your baby can't possibly survive without you. It's all you think about for those 8 hours, or 12 for me. And then you go home and realize that the world didn't stop turning. Your baby survived without you, and is quite content actually. So why do you still feel guilty?
MOM GUILT
(noun)
1. That nagging, unrelenting feeling that leaves you feeling inadequate in every and all ways about your mothering abilities.
2. Unjustified guilt about not being perfect as a mother.
Also see: crazy, emotional, plain ol' waste of time
As a maternity nurse, I would like to say I knew a thing of two about breastfeeding, even before I had ever done it myself. I knew the ins and outs of latching. I knew the facts about how great it is for baby. I saw how moms and their babies bonded. When I was pregnant, all I could think is I can't wait to breastfeed my baby. And I did. She latched beautifully. Other than the occasional sore nipple, things were great in the breastfeeding department. And then I went back to work. I turned into a pumping machine. I pumped as much as I could. But in a 12 hour shift, where I sometimes barely have time to pee, I just couldn't keep it up. A month after a returned to work, I gave Claire her first bottle of formula.
Now I should mention I didn't hate formula. I'm not THAT nurse. But for my daughter? Oh heck no! Why? Because that would mean I'm not perfect, and my body is failing my daughter. (Like, I said, mom guilt does crazy things to our brains!) As I made that first bottle and fed it to Claire, tears were running uncontrollably down my cheeks. My husband couldn't help but laugh at the sight.
Why was I crying?
Because I felt like a failure.
Why did I feel like a failure?
Because I wasn't being perfect for my baby.
And then it hit me.
Motherhood isn't about being perfect, and it's not about feeling guilty when you are imperfect.
Motherhood, in and of itself, is perfect.
It doesn't matter how I fed my baby. It doesn't matter that I leave 3 nights out of the week for work. It doesn't matter if I don't do everything by the book. What matters is that I have a tiny, little person in my life. She has brought so much joy into every single day. She has given me a reason to get up in the mornings (literally, haha). This tiny little 9 month old has already taught me so much about life, love, and what is really important.
As mothers, we have choices. We can either choose to spend our days consumed with thoughts of guilt, or we can spend our days not sweating the small stuff. There are things in life we can control, and things we can't. So instead of worrying and feeling guilty about the things we can't control, lets start focusing on the things we can control!
I wanted to share this with Mommas Like Me readers, because I know that us mommas do need to stick together and learn from each other. So from one momma to all of you others, lets squash the momma guilt and enjoy the time we have with our little families! Because when you take the time to stop looking at the negative stuff, you will find there is a TON of positives that you have overlooked! Plus, life is more fun this way ;)
Mommas, (and Daddas, and those who aren't) I would love it if you would stop by and visit me sometime over on my blog. I'd love to hear how you have learned to look past momma guilt and what has helped you along the way!
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She's a breath of fresh air isn't she? And how gorgeous is baby Claire?! So please go say hi to Kate and show her some love! You can visit her on her blog or on her fb...better yet, both!
Thanks so much Kate for guest posting on Mommas Like Me today! Ya know I love ya girl ;)
xoxo,
Lacee
